Doing does not transform your way of being or that of the other
We must do something, we must stop saying these things, you must believe in me, I will never do it again, I promise you that I will try.
Do not we have our usual phrases, our own beliefs, to express to the other, that we will change or that we would like the other to change?
And why, despite the words used, is there no transformation in the way we relate to each other?
Quite simply, that we all believe that the state of being is transformed with a state of doing (thinking, speaking, acting). This is wrong! The foundation remains the same.
Changing our way of doing does not produce a change of consciousness or state of being, it is the opposite. You have to change your consciousness, your state of being, and then do something.
And in truth, the state of being is transformed by the consciousness of choosing freely .
- If I deny your feeling, your truth is not acceptance.
- If I impose my ideas, this is not a choice.
- If I give you an order to make, that is not freedom.
- If I blame you for what you do, it is not love.
- If I do not observe these 4 situations, it is not self-awareness.
To succeed in changing one’s consciousness by free choice , it is important to accept and understand our small beliefs that prevent our mind from seeing anything else.Here are 5 habits that kill love in a relationship:
5 little beliefs that kill love
- The condemnation of the other. When the other does not want to do something you ask him, are you trying to judge him, to condemn him, to threaten him, to offend him in order to achieve your ends? If the other is treating you this way, how is your reaction?
- Hateful words and actions . Do you often use insults, threats, belittling, mockery or verbal abuse? Whatever the form of your words or actions, make sure they do not destroy love with hatred. Remember, it’s impossible to solve a relationship problem when you approach each other with clenched fists.
- Refuse all responsibility. When you avoid seeing your share of responsibility in relationship conflicts, then you routinely seek to accuse the other of your own mistakes unconsciously. Indeed, you demonstrate that it is always the fault of the other and never yours. This denial or denial of responsibility creates a complete collapse in communication.
- Lament silently. To sulk or feel self-pity by ignoring a discussion with the other is a popular belief that time might make things right or that the other will lose patience and admit wrongs. This type of silence is a form of manipulation or control that has no place in a healthy relationship.
- To be superior to the other. Believe that you are better than the other and thus be certain that it is the other that must change, that must evolve, because you have reached, according to you, a level where there is nothing more to improve in you. One does not change a person by telling him his mistakes of choice, but by demonstrating first yours and thus bring a point of view to the other where he could become aware of his own freedom, without judgment.
Disagreements are not part of our nature
So, you can not change the consciousness of the other, but only yours. You can make others act against your will through fear and guilt, but you will only increase disagreements.
Couples waste years of their life trying to change the other, but it does not work because they believe that disagreements are part of our nature instead of being accepted as they are.
Accept their feelings, their ideas, their differences, their beliefs as they are and not as they should be. This is the cause of all disagreements.
By fighting to get the other to agree with them, all they do is waste their time and increase conflict.
When the other does not like cheese and you like cheese, can you live together with these differences? You can if you accept, if you respect, what the other likes or dislikes without wanting to change it.
So why are you looking for the other to think the same as you? Why force him to do something you do not want or do not like?
Accept yourself as you are and not according to what you should be!
The best relationships are not the ones that do not have problems, but those where people have understood the importance of problems to evolve in self-awareness.
Ultimately, the best relationships are where both understand that disagreements do not work out to be good, because they know they are the result of not accepting each other.
The acceptance of the other is vitally important in the relationship, all relationships, and to get to accept the other as it is, you have to start by yourself.
Do you accept yourself as you are or prefer to deny yourself by trying to be who you are?