Have you ever experienced a disappointment in love?
Do memories make you fear to relive those same misfortunes?
Would not it make sense to understand the process that caused your injuries and avoid a similar scenario?
The habit of believing that love is a need
We believe almost everyone, that our happiness, that love, is a result of the people with whom we are in relationship and we depend on them, we need them.
This need of love impels us to want to protect this “possession”, because we are afraid of losing it, of losing this essential thing to our happiness. That’s the birth of security.
The first way to use not to lose love is to control the other, so do not worry about his freedom and thus impose orders. It only creates arguments.
Then we use guilt to judge and criticize the actions of the other, so not to worry about his self-esteem. It just creates conflicts.
Then, there are the conditions to force the other to exchange his humain nature against provisions, so to manipulate it to his advantage. It just creates divisions.
And there is the superiority, the fact of being better than the other , in order to make the other inferior, and thus to create injustice by wanting preferential treatment. It just creates competition.
This is what the need for love brings in a relationship.
But when we are aware that our happiness does not come from others, then our mind observes a free choice that our happiness is in us and that it is enough to be happy in our romantic relationship, not to wait for the other person bring this result.
The habit of looking for a culprit to a love injury
We come to believe that if we are not happy in one relationship, then the other is the culprit and we never observe each other to see if our behavior and actions are unpleasant.
It’s as if we had a ready made excuse, that if we’re not happy, then it’s automatically the other’s fault. And the other also thinks the same thing, because his reaction is identical to ours.
Therefore, we never believe that there is another possibility, a higher choice, because we are not aware of our deep habits, our beliefs.
We defend or attack those who have another point of view, instead of observing and understanding those that work for our happiness and so choose freely.
Accept and understand the love injury
Does our mind remember the wounds we have experienced in a romantic relationship to the point of being fearful and not fully engaging in a new relationship?
During your first love relationship, did you have in mind, the fear of being hurt? Do you now have this fear of getting involved in a new love affair?
Thus, fear is something known and not something unknown! We are afraid of what is known.
It is this error of thought that brings you the fear of reliving the same misfortunes because you do not choose a new way of being in your relationships, but you wait for others to change or change partners.
As you believe that your happiness is in what the other brings you, in need to the other, then you will always live disappointments in love and thus seek power over the other
By wanting power over the other, then you incite it to move away from you, it is not good because its nature is freedom. It’s yours too.
You want to control, order, judge, be right, criticize, impose conditions, condemn, justify yourself, in short you want him or her to use his life to make you happy, to bring you what you want.
All this creates in the soul of the other, unhappy feelings, wounds, but that hardly interests you, only your desires are important.
And then you tell the other the biggest lie, the famous “I love you”.
Finally, you wonder why the other leaves you …
The problem is neither you nor the other, but the beliefs
The problem is not you or the other, it’s the imposed beliefs that create the same reaction to all , that is, to always go outside of us to get something in our life to be happy.
It never comes to our mind that our answers are in us and so doubt us as the creator of our lives. We leave our power in the hands of others and the other does the same.
How can we believe in ourselves, trust in ourselves , when since our birth we have been told to make each other happy and the other to make us happy?
The usual reactions do not offer a choice
Injuries in the soul are neither more nor less than a habitual judgment of the reality of the relationship.
Take away your habit of judgment and the pain will go away.
And to remove the judgment, one must accept and understand the habits that keep them in place, not to provide an alternative, a responsive solution by always having the same process in question that creates the same effect.
Our lives are filled with the usual reactions that our teaching, our environment and our parents have made us believe in using obedience, fear and guilt to follow their norms, rules, laws.
I do not say they are bad, but they are not good either. What matters is to see if these beliefs work, given what we expect to live.
I do not say either to change your beliefs, but to observe them one by one and see those that do not support your truths and your intentions.
In other words, do not replace all the bricks in your house, but one by one, when you see that some of them no longer support the frame.
To avoid being hurt, you must make a new choice
We do not see that our relationship has its foundation on the need to the other, on what the other brings us, but never on what we are in our relationship with each other.
We try to do something different instead of different. The state of being always precedes the state of being, but if you are not aware of that choice, then you react with the same state of being, no matter what you do.
You must make a conscious new choice about your state of being and not wait for things or people to change to be happy.